• That’s It and Amen

    Friday, September 9, 2016 No tags Permalink

    image

    Oh, how I love this! It makes me what to see if I can still put my foot behind my head. I’m still flexible, but I not sure if I’m that flexible! 😊

    My my messiness is more on the inside than the outside. Perhaps I look put together to other people most of the time, but inside I’m often wondering to myself what I’m doing. I suppose we all do sometimes. I remind myself to simply relax into that messiness in my head and eventually it subsides.  I suppose were all a little messy sometimes. It’s part of being human.I do think I’ve become a bit more enlightened, but even more so less “afraid of the dark”.  The two seem to go hand in hand.  It’s a beautiful thing; something that has brought much peace and self-acceptance into my life.

    Continue Reading…

  • Enjoying Life

    Thursday, September 1, 2016 No tags Permalink

    “I think it’s the skill of living in the present that I have mastered in the last 25 years. It is the key to enjoying your life in full. Enjoying life doesn’t mean being unreasonably excited all the time. On the contrary, as I became older I realized that the first step towards finding the joy of life was to accept reality openly and sincerely, accept everything as it is. Reality is not perfect. But it is important to face the truth. This attitude works wonders.”- Bodhi

    No, reality is certainly not perfect, but that’s okay.  Well, mostly okay. 😉 I have learned that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. There’s beauty in so many simple things. I try to find the good in each day and that makes me enjoy life so much more.

    Continue Reading…

  • Tuesday, August 2, 2016 No tags Permalink

    Read in bedWhen I call a book
    my favorite
    I mean,
    I read this
    during a time
    I needed it most.

    I mean,
    I’ve read many other
    beautiful books since,
    but this one will always
    hold a special place
    inside my heart.

    and when I say
    I love(d) you
    I mean,
    my heart is a bookshelf
    and you will always be
    one of my favorite stories.

    – Pavana

    “Reading forces you to be quiet in a world that no longer makes place for that.” – John Green

    bookworm

    I wouldn’t call it a “dirtier mind”, I’d say a more vivid imagination.

  • Under the Trees

    Sunday, June 19, 2016 No tags Permalink

    image

    I’d like to be there right about now. It looks so peaceful. I can just about smell the pine trees and hear the water in the distance. Kayaking and swimming in the sunshine.  Naps.  Long hikes through the quiet woods. Stacks of good books. Fresh-picked berries. Evening campfires.  Fireflies in the dark. Nights just cool enough for a light blanket and cuddling.

    Sometimes lying under trees and walking barefoot on the Earth is the most spiritual you could do in your life.

    On Meditating, Sort Of

    Meditation, so I’ve heard, is best accomplished
    if you entertain a certain strict posture.
    Frankly, I prefer just to lounge under a tree.
    So why should I think I could ever be successful?

    Some days I fall asleep, or land in that
    even better place — half asleep — where the world,
    spring, summer, autumn, winter —
    flies through my mind in its
    hardy ascent and its uncompromising descent.

    So I just lie like that, while distance and time
    reveal their true attitudes: they never
    heard of me, and never will, or ever need to.

    Of course I wake up finally
    thinking, how wonderful to be who I am,
    made out of earth and water,
    my own thoughts, my own fingerprints —
    all that glorious, temporary stuff.

    -Mary Oliver

  • Ask and It Shall Be Given

    Sunday, June 12, 2016 No tags Permalink

    We can’t ask people to give us something that we do not believe we are worthy of receiving. And you will know you’re worthy of receiving it when you trust yourself above everyone else.” ~ Brene Brown

    If you don’t ask for what you want, you’ll never get it. I struggle with this idea.  The most difficult thing that any of us can do is to simply ask for precisely what we want. It’s so much easier to take what we get—to remain silent about those things that we want or need—because by not speaking up, we aren’t taking the risk that we may be turned down.

    My dear (and wise) friend Sheryl wrote this a few weeks ago, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since then:

    “This week I somehow pulled myself up out of recent months of the burgeoning ennui-funk and fear of uncertainty and fear of loss. Waiting on others/powers-that-be/the universe so that I could react flexibly was an old survival mechanism that was making me feel deep dread and a deep lack of confidence.”

    Continue Reading…

  • The Morning Is Full {Poetry}

    Tuesday, June 7, 2016 No tags Permalink

    image

    The morning is full of storm
    in the heart of summer.

    The clouds travel like whit handkerchiefs of goodbye,
    the wind, travelling, waving them in its hands.

    The numberless heart of the wind
    beating above our loving silence.

    Orchestral and dinive, resounding among the trees
    like a language full of wars and songs.

    Wind that bears off the dead leaves with a quick raid
    and deflects the pulsing arrows of the birds.

    Wind that topples her in a wave without spray
    and substance without weight, and leaning fires.

    Her mass of kisses breaks and sinks,
    assailed in the door of the summer’s wind.

    -Pablo Neruda

  • What’s What

    Sunday, April 3, 2016 No tags Permalink

    What I’m Reading: I have at least a half dozen books right now. I just started the novel A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki.  It is a rich reflection on what it means to be human in an era of short attention spans, the dearth of meaning, and imminent environmental threat.

    The time being: the present moment is what we’re stuck with now and must embrace. The time being: in the Buddhist viewpoint, each human is entrapped by time, which means that we are all in this together; this is a tale of everyone.

    On present-day Vancouver Island, “Ruth,” a Japanese-American novelist who is attempting to write a memoir of her mother’s slow demise from Alzheimer’s but has a bad case of writer’s block, stumbles across a Hello Kitty lunchbox washed up on the beach. Inside she finds a cache of old letters and a teenage girl’s diary, disguised as a copy of Marcel Proust’s À la recherche du temps perdu.

    The diary belonged to sixteen-year-old Nao ) Yasutani, who cheerfully and informally confides in her imagined reader about her life. The past few years in Tokyo have not been easy for her – she’s been the victim of extreme bullying at the hands of her classmates, and suicide seems to run in the family – but she has a guardian angel in the form of her great-grandmother, Buddhist nun Jiko, who is approaching death at age 104 but still represents the voice of wisdom and a timeless perspective.

    image

    What I’m Watching: I’m a bit late to the game, but I just binge-watched Grantchester this weekend.

    image

    While pasty blond blue eyed guys aren’t my thing, James Norton is a fantastic actor. He plays an excellent bad guy in Happy Valley (also a wonderful show) so I wasn’t sure how he’d be as a Vicar in the 1950s.  Norton pulls it off with aplomb. I’m happy that season 2 just started on PBS here in the U.S.

    What I’m Listening To:  My son got me into Audible. I’m currently listening to The Great Courses Maya to Aztec: Ancient Mesoamerica Revealed. I’m a history buff, but I’m learning a lot. I try to listen at work, but I’m constantly interrupted. One of my co-workers asked if I was listening to it for a class. She couldn’t believe I wanted to learn about it just because I find it interesting. Yeah, I’m a nerd. 🙂

    What I’m Wearing: I thought it was supposed to be spring? Ha! I’m freezing today. Dark jeans, warm socks, a black tee, and a thick gray sweater. I’m going for warmth, not cute.

    What I’m Eating: I just roasted a chicken and I polished off about half of it.  What can I say, lifting makes me hungry!

    What I’m Enjoying: The warm, fuzzy blanket I just pulled over me and the beautiful blooming orchid on the table next to me.

    What I’m Sniffing: I’m making a big pot of chicken stock from the carcass of aforementioned chicken. Later this week I’ll make soup.

  • The Laughing Heart {Poetry}

    Tuesday, February 9, 2016 No tags Permalink

    image

    your life is your life
    don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
    be on the watch.
    there are ways out.
    there is light somewhere.
    it may not be much light but
    it beats the darkness.
    be on the watch.
    the gods will offer you chances.
    know them.
    take them.
    you can’t beat death but
    you can beat death in life, sometimes.
    and the more often you learn to do it,
    the more light there will be.
    your life is your life.
    know it while you have it.
    you are marvelous
    the gods wait to delight
    in you.

    — by Charles Bukowski

    Continue Reading…

  • Gym Wildlife

    Monday, January 25, 2016 No tags Permalink

    image

    Its fair to say that I spend a lot of time in the gym. I just pulled my stats for 2015, and last year I spent 365 hours just lifting weights.  It’s also fair to say that I see some very interesting things in those hours.  That’s probably why this video made me laugh so hard.

    I for one am ready for all the New Years resolution people to go back to wherever they came from and stop coming to the gym. If I have one more woman ask me if I’m afraid of getting too big from lifting weights, I’m going to scream.

    image

  • Anticipation of Love {Poetry}

    Tuesday, January 12, 2016 No tags Permalink

    image

    Neither the intimacy of your look, your brow fair as a feast day,
    nor the favor of your body, still mysterious, reserved, and childlike,
    nor what comes to me of your life, settling in words or silence,
    will be so mysterious a gift
    as the sight of your sleep, enfolded
    in the vigil of my arms.
    Virgin again, miraculously, by the absolving power of sleep,
    quiet and luminous like some happy thing recovered by memory,
    you will give me that shore of your life that you yourself do not own.
    Cast up into silence
    I shall discern that ultimate beach of your being
    and see you for the first time, perhaps,
    as God must see you —
    the fiction of Time destroyed,
    free from love, from me.

    -Jorge Luis Borges

  • Remember, Body {Poetry}

    Tuesday, December 22, 2015 No tags Permalink

    back1

    Remember, body, all of you houses
    not only the path from one room to the next
    the purpling of muscle
    —in veins while you are young
    love remembering, body, how to crouch like glass
    how a doctor told you that pain is the first to return
    watching out the window for snow—the eyes were your eyes
    the love of others, body
    ones who came for you in your smallest houses
    in the winter—sacred hands in January that traced
    the current down your spine
    longing
    remember, body

    -Jessica Durham

    Continue Reading…

  • Humanity and Kindness

    Monday, December 21, 2015 No tags Permalink

    imageOh, how I miss this sweet face! So many of my friends have lost their beloved dogs recently. Even though my little girl has been gone almost three years now, it feels more recent.

    I found this quote several years ago, and it always makes me laugh:

    “I would rather have a good, funny loyal dog than a man. It’s taken me a few years to come to that conclusion, and I’m happier for it.” -Anonymous

    Dogs really are so much more loyal and consistent than humans. They’re always there for you, good cuddlers, and excellent listeners. It’s no wonder we love them so much!

    Continue Reading…

  • Things I Do When I Cannot Hold You {Poetry}

    Tuesday, December 8, 2015 No tags Permalink

    image

    This morning I wrote your name in the steam on my mirror, even though I knew it would fade within minutes

    In my best notebook I wrote “I miss you” ten thousand times.

    I wrote “I think I am missing one of my ribs”

    I wrote “I envy the way leaves know exactly when to fall from the branches and when to come back in the spring”

    I wrote “Everyone else isn’t you. It turns out that’s a huge problem for me.”

    -Clementine Von Radics

    Continue Reading…

  • Formulate an Equation

    Monday, December 7, 2015 No tags Permalink

    image

    I used to be a wee bit obsessive about decorating my Christmas tree. We used to have a 12 foot tree, not pre-lit. It would take my son and I the better part of a day just to string the lights.

    image
    When we moved to a house that didn’t have a two story living room, we downsized to a 9 foot tree.

    Continue Reading…

  • Not Anyone Who Says {Poetry}

    Tuesday, December 1, 2015 No tags Permalink

    image

    Not anyone who says, “I’m going to be
    careful and smart in matters of love,”
    who says, “I’m going to choose slowly,”
    but only those lovers who didn’t choose at all
    but were, as it were, chosen
    by something invisible and powerful and uncontrollable
    and beautiful and possibly even
    unsuitable —
    only those know what I’m talking about
    in this talking about love.

    -Mary Oliver

  • T.G.I.M.

    Monday, November 30, 2015 No tags Permalink

    image

    Be the kind of person who makes the best out of a Monday. You know those people who live only for the weekends? They’re wishing their lives away. Find something worth living for every day or else you’ll look back and realize you missed out on the best part of your life. The best advice my grandma ever gave me was “don’t wish your life away”.

    What do you love doing that you aren’t doing? It’s your right to be alive every second of the day. You’re not supposed to spend 8 hours a day in chains and the remaining 4 getting high on mental and physical distraction in order to cope with the depression of not doing what you should, what you really want, what you need to be doing.

    image

  • Stay {Poetry}

    Tuesday, November 24, 2015 No tags Permalink

    image

    So you see yourself as a revolving door:
    a place people keep passing through
    but never want to stay.
    You get used to the idea of impermanence–
    never fall in love without an exit strategy,
    a way to untangle your heart
    when they leave you.
    (And they always leave you.
    That part, at least,
    is constant.)
    When you become, instead, a dead end,
    a back alley, a Do Not Enter,
    they want to know why you are suddenly
    unavailable.
    You show them hands calloused
    from all this giving–
    ask if they have ever loved
    a day in their life, ask
    why everything you had was
    never enough to satisfy.
    Trouble is, you see yourself as a peace offering:
    a willing body meant to keep the quiet
    quiet.
    And you throw yourself at every open mouth.
    So your method of coping looks more like
    taking your body to market
    just to see who’s willing to buy it.
    This is how you give yourself up in pieces, but
    never notice what you’re missing.
    It’s how you use sex as just
    another way to hurt yourself.
    How you become nameless in the face
    of all the things you want in parts and pieces
    but refuse to accept in full.
    Love becomes a fairy tale that scares you.
    Kisses, safe only in small doses–it’s dangerous
    to get attached to the things that never
    want you.
    Or worse,
the ones who want to keep you:
    like an animal, like a trophy, like
    bragging rights.
    When all you’ve ever wanted is somebody
    who would keep you
    like a promise.”

     

     

     

    -Ashe Vernon

  • The Table

    Monday, November 23, 2015 No tags Permalink

    imageThat doesn’t mean that I’m not getting tired of eating alone. I’m a damn fine dinner companion. Breakfast and lunch, too, while we’re at it.

    I’m pretty clear about who I am and what I have to bring to the relationship table. If they don’t want to get into the relation-ship with me and row in the same direction, great! I’m looking for someone who will get into the ship with me and work together at getting somewhere together.

    That makes me think of the expression, “that ship has sailed”. Going, going, gone…

    I’ve  worked hard at being happy and satisfied with who I am. And I am. I genuinely like me. I’ve kept a low profile but I know that I’m wanting another special relationship because I’m at my best when I’m in a relationship. I miss that.

    Continue Reading…