The Cure for Anything

We can’t ask people to give us something that we do not believe we are worthy of receiving. And you will know you’re worthy of receiving it when you trust yourself above everyone else.” ~ Brene Brown

If you don’t ask for what you want, you’ll never get it. I struggle with this idea.  The most difficult thing that any of us can do is to simply ask for precisely what we want. It’s so much easier to take what we get—to remain silent about those things that we want or need—because by not speaking up, we aren’t taking the risk that we may be turned down.

My dear (and wise) friend Sheryl wrote this a few weeks ago, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since then:

“This week I somehow pulled myself up out of recent months of the burgeoning ennui-funk and fear of uncertainty and fear of loss. Waiting on others/powers-that-be/the universe so that I could react flexibly was an old survival mechanism that was making me feel deep dread and a deep lack of confidence.”

I could have written this myself. I have been in a funk for months now, and it only continues to deepen. I realized that I am deeply dissatisfied with many aspects of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I am so very grateful for all of the good things in my life. I make certain to appreciate them on a daily basis. But I want more, and moreover, it’s okay that I want more. I’m settling in so many ways, and it’s just not good enough anymore. I need to make some changes, and some of them are going to be painful.

Ironically, sometimes it seems that if we don’t ask for what we want, then we can somehow stave off heartbreak or disappointment, but the truth is that this causes our desires and needs to die a slow death, and we can never really be sure about what would have been possible.

We fear asking for what we want, not just because we may not receive it, but because we just might. Sometimes getting what we want is the scariest thing in the world, especially if we still doubt that we are worthy or deserving of it.

“When the Gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers.”

These words were spoken by Meryl Streep in her Oscar-nominated performance as Baroness Karen von Blixen (aka Danish writer Isak Dinesen) in Out of Africa, but she is actually quoting a line from Oscar Wilde’s 1895 play The Ideal Husband. (Oh, the irony of that play title!)

The biggest obstacle that any of us face is ourselves. We often fear asking for what we want, because of that voice that hasn’t yet healed from old wounds whispering to us: “Who are you to ask for something so great?” I need to be able to listen to myself and find the confidence to believe that I have the right to ask for exactly what it is I want, because we are deserving of it and so much more.

We all deserve to have our hearts and our lives filled with love, support, respect and generosity.

I have battled my own inner demons in terms of asking for what I want, because it’s scary. It’s terrifying to think that when we finally state our desires and needs, someone may throw their hands up and walk away from what is being served.

But I finally realized is that if that does happen, then they were never meant to sit at my table to begin with.

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”

― Gautama Buddha