If you live in America in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy.” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint. And the stock response is a kind of congratulation: “That’s a good problem to have,” or “Better than the opposite.”
It’s not as if any of us wants to live like this; it’s something we collectively force one another to do. Notice it isn’t generally people pulling back-to-back shifts in the I.C.U. or commuting by bus to three minimum-wage jobs who tell you how busy they are; what those people are is not busy but tired. Exhausted. Dead on their feet. It’s almost always people whose lamented busyness is purely self-imposed: work and obligations they’ve taken on voluntarily, classes and activities they’ve “encouraged” their kids to participate in. They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence. -The New York Times
“Busy” is a drug a lot of people are addicted to. In my experience, more so often women. If you’re so, SO busy, you don’t have to deal with your issues. You can ignore your lifeless marriage and your dysfunctional relationship with your children. Nope, too busy. Time for reflection and introspection? No way! This is no way to live. Actually, it’s not living it’s just going through the motions.
Frankly, I have zero respect for that shit. It’s pure ego, and I won’t “oooh” and “ahh” over it like many other people will. I have noticed that those who claim to be so busy certainly do have a lot of time to stand around and talk about how busy they are. Funny.
It’s not that I don’t value hard work. On the contrary. I’ve paid my own way since I was 18 years old. I busted my ass and saved so I could buy my first house at 25. After my divorce, I bought several more houses on my own and raised my son mostly without any help from his father. I worked a full-time job, took care of my home single-handedly, drove my son to and from private school, paid for said private school, had a home-cooked dinner on the table each night, and spent several hours helping my dyslexic child with him homework each night. I still made sure we had time for fun— jumping on the trampoline, playing with the dog in the backyard, making blanket forts, and building with Lego. I loved every minute of it, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Even though every minute of my day was full, I never once said I was “so busy” and I certainly never said I was burned out or whatever.
My ideal is that no one part of your life—not being a wife, a worker or a mom—should eclipse the other parts. Balance is essential.
I love the book First Things First. Author Stephen R. Covey poses the question “What do you value most in life?” followed by “What do you spend most of your time doing?” The discrepancy between these two answers is usually alarming. Most Europeans, on the other hand, regard family time as equal or superior to work time. School pickup is a regular daily activity, not an “indulgence.” Time with your partner is often regarded as crucial to your life balance. And “me” time is an understood necessity.
December 15, 2015
I notice this more in women too. It’s usually those women who are fully financially (and otherwise) supported by their husbands and are working on their second Ph.D. in underwater basket weaving or some such bullshit. In my humble opinion, they love to talk about their busy-ness because it gets them attention. Martyrs and narcissists. When I see one, I run the other way!!!