The Cure for Anything

When I was young, I thought my time was infinite. Don’t we all? All that time, just stretching out in front of us. I couldn’t begin to imagine being the age that I am now. While it’s not old, it certainly isn’t young. Some days (like today) I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, just out of the corner of my eye and I don’t quite recognize myself.  Who in the fuck is that? In my mind I’m still that fresh-faced, naive 20 year-old that I once was. Before…everything.  Fresh and unsullied as a crisp new piece of white paper.   But paper has a way  of being smudged and torn by those who handle it, especially by those who are not careful.

I have been guilty of putting my life on hold. There was a time,  when I was so busy as a single mom,  that I didn’t even realize that I was doing it.  Every minute of every day was already occupied. But once I did realize that I was putting my life on hold, it had become such a habit that it was ingrained into me.  I had to unlearn it. Life is definitely a process of both learning and unlearning. Sometimes I think I’ve had to unlearn more than I’ve learned.

It was always “when X happens, then I’ll be able to do Y”.  If we’re truly honest with ourselves we all know this to be utter bullshit.

I’m dying. The best thing that ever happened to me was when I realized this.

I don’t know if it will be tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or 50 years from now. But we are all dying.  So I made the conscious choice to live until I die.  Full tilt and no excuses.  No apologies, either. I highly recommend it. Don’t put off your happiness waiting until you find the perfect husband, lose 10 pounds, or get your dream job.  The day for your happiness is today. Today and every damn day until you die. Do it now.