I’m not always so good at letting go of what no longer serves me. I’ve gotten great at unburdening myself of all the physical things that were weighing me down. Most all of the excess belongings in my life are gone. My life in the physical realm is fairly streamlined, but mentally, I’ve got a closet full of junk. Better yet, a mind full of junk. I’ve clung to ideas and beliefs that no longer serve me. In fact, quite the opposite. These beliefs are holding me back and keeping me from living the life I want.
Among other changes, I want to (re)discover a feeling of fearless love, toward life and toward myself and toward the passion and willingness to be vulnerable and caring that have led to the best things in my life. Somewhere along the line, fear sneaked in, snatched that away, and sabotaged the good. I want it back.
This little person knew no fear of life or love or anything. Full of wonder and delight. I need to remember that I’m still that person. I always have been. I always will be.
It’s still there, that same twinkle in my eyes, and that impish grin. They just stay hidden too often. My eyes will always give me away, if you know what to look for. Luckily for me, not many people do. It’s scary to be read so easily, to be exposed, vulnerable. Life taught me that vulnerability equals weakness and weakness is just an open invitation to be hurt. That’s just another idea I must let go of.
Let go. Keep letting go. Repeat.
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” -Iain Thomas
June 16, 2014
Dear Lisa, we are very happy you are on the track to refind Your happiness. You so very well deserve to be happy. Looking forward to see you soon – love from Anna and Tor
June 16, 2014
My dear Tor, you are an inspiration to me with your always optimistic way of looking at life. You are a trusted friend and mentor and I very much look forward to seeing you and Anna soon! It has been too long since we have sat together and talked.
June 16, 2014
I’m loving reading your thoughts again. You often say what I feel, but somehow ignore (or worse consider myself unworthy). Be happy- we both deserve it…
June 16, 2014
Thank you, Cheryl. It’s good to be back. I missed writing. 🙂 I think one of the worst things we can do to ourselves is to ignore how we feel. I know because I did it for years. Sometimes it just hurts too much to feel.
We all deserve to be happy. I do have a problem with the word deserve, but it’s getting better. The root of it is this: if we “deserve” to be happy, do we also “deserve” to get punched, or get cancer, etc.? Deserve is a tricky word, often used by abusers to control. But you’re so right, we are all worthy of love and happiness. 🙂
I hope the road is treating you well and you and Calli are having great adventures. Looking forward to living vicariously through your photos as I’m stuck in Indy.
June 16, 2014
That fearless plunge into many aspects of life is wonderful…the first time around. I think it’s human nature to be a bit gun shy after being hurt, etc. Good post. I agree that letting go is easy, but to keep the momentum going where I continue to let go and keep my heart open, takes work and active reminders. Sounds like you’re on the right path, though. Just keep going, keep being open with yourself and others and I’m betting that day you’ll realize that being open, freely giving and receiving love becomes your norm! 🙂
June 16, 2014
Work and active reminders- that’s it exactly, Natasha. Thank you for putting it so well.
June 17, 2014
I was driving somewhere the other day and the song Paradise By The Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf came on…and I was flooded with a memory of a bunch of us girls driving somewhere, that song playing and all of us singing at the top of our lungs and smiling, GOD, what happened to smiling? I haven’t felt that way in a long time!
June 17, 2014
Janet, that is such a great driving sing-along song! 🙂
I think that kind of smiling comes from a carefree feeling of youth. The question is this: how do we recapture some of that feeling while dealing with all of the responsibilities that we have as an adult.