The Cure for Anything

Leave if your love hurts you.

Leave if it is always more pain than it is joy.

Contrary to what they’ll tell you,

Love does not make the world spin around.

You can want someone, baby.

You can want them until you’re raw.

That kind of longing can turn you into water after a live wire has been thrown into it.

It can turn you into the hand holding that wire,

But that doesn’t mean it’s right.

It doesn’t mean you should stay.

Don’t hang round just because you’re scared that you’ll never feel that kind of electricity again.

It’s not true, it never was.

The thing is, you were made to be touched by hands,

Attached to a body that finds itself at rest when it’s with you.

That finds itself quietly trembling when you’re together.

Those hands need to come with gentle words and an honest mouth.

A mouth that says your name in a way that sounds like the very definition of “falling.”

So don’t take less than that.

Don’t take half of that.

Above all, if it hurts, go.

You’ll fall in love so many times that you’ll lose count and it’ll shake you.

Tiny vibrations like tectonic plates with every stranger who you looked into the eyes and made your body feel new.

Find a love that makes you feel new, and better.

Always like you’re moving and staying still at the exact same time.

Grow, expand, and if it hurts, leave.

-Azra T.

A good friend of mine sent this to me at a time that I really needed to read it. I really needed to read it again now. I’m just so very tired. Tired of everything. Tired of being strong. Tired of holding myself together when I really want to crumble into a million tiny pieces. But I know I can’t do that. No one is going to hold me up if I start to crumble, so staying strong is the only option.

My older sister and I spent most of this past weekend going through our younger sister’s things. She died over six months ago, but my parents haven’t been able to face the task. For reasons I don’t want to explain, I’m very angry at her. I’m mad–at a dead person. The more I find out, the angrier I become. But At the same time, I miss her terribly. It’s a horrible, twisted, conflicted way to feel. I don’t like it, but I have to let myself go through this process and feel what I’m feeling. As my mother lives to say to me: this too shall pass.