What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
-William Shakespeare
Today I started the paperwork to change back to my maiden name. After 26 years (to the week) I am finally getting rid of that rotten son-of-a-bitch’s name. It’s going to be a hassle to go to court, then get a new driver’s license, passport, etc., but I think that it will be so worth it.
My son asked me why I didn’t change my name when I got divorced. Somehow, thought it was important that my son and I had the same last name as he was growing up. I felt like it avoided confusion. Although I did cringe each time one of his schoolteachers would call me Mrs. —-. I kept a smile on my face the whole time, but inside I was thinking, the hell I am Mrs. —-.
I fought long and hard for this beautiful piece of paper. My freedom. My life. Yes, that is my actual ring in this picture. Yes, it is bent. Even gold will bend if enough force is applied enough times. One of my ex-husband’s favorite forms of public “punishment” for me was to act like he was holding my hand but would actually be squeezing my fingers so hard that my rings (engagement, wedding, anniversary) would dig into my fingers so hard that eventually they bent. At least the rings gave before the bones in my fingers did. Over time, I learned to not even flinch. I refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had hurt me.
My victory: my son is not like his father. He has a kind heart and a good soul. He has empathy for others and feeling. My years of sacrifice, love, and dedication have paid off. It was too late to save me, as the damage was already done, but it wasn’t too late to save him.
June 28, 2014
So glad you are moving forward with this. Is he still married to the last victim?
June 28, 2014
Me too, Sandy. It’s about time!
No, he’s not married to the one he was married to when we worked together. She divorced him. He was married again, and divorced again. He got re-married, yet again about a year ago. Fourth time’s a charm? 😉 My son (don’t want to say his name here because of Google search) didn’t speak to his father for four years. They’ve just recently started somewhat talking again.
June 29, 2014
I am so sorry that you went through that! Everyone deserves love and if someone can’t or won’t love you, you deserve to be left alone. I just don’t understand abuse in whatever form but then again, most don’t.
However, I am thrilled to hear that you’re moving forward and reclaiming yourself! If it makes you happy it’s not a hassle. I’m also touched and so happy to know that in spite of the previous situation, your son is a wonderful person. That’s how you win – be happy and raise awesome people who will combat the horrible ones in our world.
You’re brave for sharing. Thank you. And yes, we love us some sonnets
June 29, 2014
It’s been an on-going process of moving forward over the past decade and a half. I feel as if this is the final step. “If it makes you happy it’s not a hassle.”– you have a great way of properly framing things. Thank you! That’s so very true.
June 29, 2014
Is he still the Indy area?
July 1, 2014
He’s in the area but now that our son is an adult I don’t have to see him anymore. He didn’t even come to our son’s graduation three years ago. Father of the year!