Be broken.
Lie there
on the ground
in the wreckage
until you can feel
all of your new jagged
edges individually.
Notice how much more
surface area there is to you now.
Notice there’s a rhythm to the stinging.
It will lead you back to your pulse.
Try to move if you can.
Follow the path the pain takes
when it forks and sharks
through your body.
Focus on your uneven breath.
Try to love way it hitches now,
how each drag of air cuts
through the field of panic.
As your thoughts struggle
to harden into words,
return to your breath.
Pull yourself into sitting
as best you can.
Be tender.
Try speaking.
Grasp the leathery
harness of your voice.
How long have you been crying?
Hum something
your mother taught you.
Anything is fine.
Feel it vibrate in your chest.
That’s where your heart is,
still beating,
still wrestling life into you,
still pushing back against the world.-Mindy Nettifee
This poem reminds me of a book that was given to me several years ago.
Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart by Mark Epstein is an excellent book that has helped me through some difficult times in the past.
“In building a path through the self to the far shore of awareness, we have to carefully pick our way through our own wilderness. If we can put our minds into a place of surrender, we will have an easier time feeling the contours of the land. We do not have to break our way through as much as we have to find our way around the major obstacles. We do not have to cure every neurosis, we just have to learn how not to be caught by them.”
In the Zen tradition of Buddhism there is a story of a smart and eager university professor who comes to an old Zen master for teachings. The Zen master offers him tea and upon the man’s acceptance he pours the tea into the cup until it overflows. As the professor politely expresses his dismay at the overflowing cup, the Zen master keeps on pouring.
“A mind that is already full cannot take in anything new,” the master explains. “Like this cup, you are full of opinions and preconceptions.” In order to find happiness, he teaches his disciple, he must first empty his cup.
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