“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou
That is one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. I have struggled with it for years. I have caused myself much needless suffering because I always wanted to give people a second chance, and a third, and a fourth. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am the woman who sees the “potential” in someone. The person they “could” be, with a lot of love and nurturing, and if I just believed in them enough. I tend to give people a pass and to make excuses for their bad behavior. Behavior that doesn’t add up to what I am told, behavior in past or present relationships that wasn’t filled with integrity. If someone lies to other people in their life, there’s a very high likelihood that they will lie to you as well. When choosing those who I allow into I my life, I need to ask if he/she is a person embodies the things that are important to me, or am I convincing myself that I can change them? You can never change someone. Only they can change themselves, and only when they’re good and ready to change.
I’ve learned a lot, but I still have blind spots and comfort zones I fall into. Some of the best advice I’ve received recently is this: recognize that you are finally learning what your heart truly wants and moving closer to that every day. You’re walking away from people who aren’t in alignment with your core values.
Because I am quiet and have spent so much time alone, I notice everything. Don’t underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and notice more than you realize. Eventually, I stop giving another chance. The one thing I have learned is that other people’s poor behavior is not a reflection of me, but of them.