People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.

-Emmanuel Torres

One of the greatest  things taught to me by my parents and grandparents is to value people and experiences over things.  I was fortunate to have lived very close to my grandparents so I spent lots of time with them. In the years before I began school, I’d go over to their house every day. I was especially close to my grandfather. He would spend the day with me outside, showing me his garden, the vegetables, and especially his flowers. It’s from him that I got my love of flowers.

I’d spend evenings and weekends with my maternal grandmother. She’d pop us a big bowl of popcorn and we’d listen to her old Big Band records on her console stereo or watch old movies. She had 17 grandchildren, but she always made each one of us feel very special and so loved.

They gave me the greatest gifts of all: their time, love, and attention.

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness” ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Just look at those faces! Pure bliss. I miss having a dog and being witness to the way they fully embrace the very moment. My dog died two and a half years ago. I tell myself that I haven’t gotten another dog because I don’t want the work or commitment that’s involved, but the truth is that I can’t bear the heartache that comes with loving them and then losing them. I like to think that I’m so tough, but I’m secretly the biggest softie ever.

My son and our dog. These two were inseparable. She even slept in his bed, under the covers. Some mornings when I’d come into his bedroom to make sure he was awake to go to school, I’d find them both crashed out with their heads next to each other on the pillow.

When I was growing up there was always an orange in the toe of my Christmas stocking. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I found out why. My dad was born during the Great Depression. When he was very young, his family didn’t have a lot of money. Before my grandfather married my grandmother, he immigrated from Denmark.  He was the oldest of 7 children, so he came over first and then he worked to pay for safe passage for his 6 younger siblings and his mother. Because they didn’t have much money, gifts were few and far between. Each Christmas, my dad and his three brothers we get a few oranges, a new pair of wool mittens, and one other gift like a football or a pocketknife. Oranges were a rare and special treat to them. So…oranges in my Christmas stocking, and when my son was growing up, there was always an orange in his stocking too

Today I can walk into any grocery store and buy a big bag of fresh oranges, and I do. I eat one just about every morning in wintertime.  I try to take my time, peeling the orange slowly, savoring the taste. Most of all, I think of my dad and my grandparents. It’s a good way to keep me mindful and appreciative.

Im not really feeling the Christmas spirit this year. I didn’t even put up a tree. My family is still struggling with the loss of my sister. My son and I are spending a few days over Christmas with my parents, cooking for them, baking cookies, and acting as a general distraction (I hope).  I’ll go to the Christmas Eve church service with my mom and I’ll make Christmas dinner. I can tell yiu what we’re not having: ham. Those of you who’ve known me for years are well aware of my great detest of ham. Because I hate it so much, as a kid I came up with this logic as to why we should not have ham at Christmas and Easter: these holidays were meant to celebrate Jesus and Jesus was a Jew and Jews don’t eat pork so therefore, we shouldn’t have ham. Hey, I tried! You can see how I exasperated my mother when I was a child. She always said I think too much. I probably do.

My my big brother and me, Christmas 1970

Twenty-two years ago, this week. The first time I saw my baby boy, I remember thinking to myself, “Wow! Are my genes ever recessive!” With a head full of black hair and that tan skin, he looked nothing like me. But, like most children, he changed a lot as he grew.